Dorkly Gives Closure

Song of the day: Sinking Friendship-Jonsi

I confess that I am a shit person.

I strung along Zechariah Symonds for four years, without thinking about his feelings or how my actions would degrade him. This boy is the first person I could really talk to. Like…three hour conversations on a school night. He’s the first person I told about my romantic experiences, which he then provided back some of his own. That level of honesty and comfort was great, but his best feature was his personality. His looks were an entirely different issue. His eyes were a dim green, hidden behind dirty glasses. He never got his hair styled. Worst of all, he got hit hard with acne. I mean, I-can’t-bring-myself-to-kiss-you, bad. I secretly wanted to give him a makeover in high school, but he transferred schools before I could propose the idea.

I know my reasons are shallow because I am shallow.

I could see myself with him when I was thirty. By that time I would have either given up on true love or settled for a friendship that could lead to something more.

Micro dates

I started to develop the warm and fuzzies for him before I went to Azusa Pacific University. He was aware that my mom was hyper protective and he wasn’t okay with it, but he at least understood the precarious situation I was in until I moved away. We went on micro dates. One hour at his house, two hours at the mall (with my mom trailing closely behind), a single movie at the movie theater.

For his birthday my mom allowed me to spend a couple of hours at his house. This bargaining for time thing, was the bane of my existence, but whatever…at least I could see him. We ended up watching one of those terribly unfunny Netflix comedians. I put my legs across his lap. We ate leftovers that his mom brought us. As predicted our time was coming to a close and I was wondering if he was going to kiss me…no not wondering…dreading it. (My first experience wasn’t the best). He hugged me and I got a whiff of his minty cool deodorant. I looked up and he leaned in to kiss my forehead. Butterfly wings, wasp stingers, toadstools, crocodile spikes, dolphin-crack!

I forgot about him when I started college. He messaged me sometimes and I always answered, but I figured he was on his ninth or tenth girlfriend, so it wasn’t worth becoming a statistic.

“You’re a four.”

He got my attention during midterms. We talked about him visiting me at the University, but I was surprised when he took me up on the offer. He took the metro and two buses to get to me. He shaved his face, because he knew I didn’t like bearded fellas–rug burn isn’t attractive.

The way I greeted him was awful okay. I deserves a brick thrown to the head. I treated him like he was a burden.

He was sweet and energized by the fact that he was finally seeing me.

I wanted to control the situation in a timely manner. I carted him off from place to place just so I could get to the end of the day faster. When the end of the day finally was upon us we were sitting in a quiet outdoor amphitheater. The sun set expressing itself in brilliant hues of mauve, gold, and vermilion.  He tried to snap a picture of me. Forever memorializing my shit self. I knew I didn’t have time for him and for this whole dating thing. I wanted him gone. I wanted this to shut down. Forever closing the possibility of any further romantic interest. So I reduced him down to a number on the invisible scale that everyone has referred to at least once in their miserable lives. Let’s play the rate game.

“I give you a four. I like your personality” I said.

Damn. Shoot her. She’s awful.

He took the bus home in the dark. I long boarded to the theological library and ugly cried into some of the reference books.


As you can expect there was barely even a friendship after that. It took me a year and some change to realize that I needed to apologize because that shit is bad karma. I couldn’t have that in the universe. Summer of my Sophomore year, I reached out to him apologizing for my selfish actions. He forgave me. We dipped into each other’s lives little by little until it was like nothing had changed. We had our long phone calls again. He just got out of a relationship and I confessed that my initial fear is what kept me from pursuing any relationship with him. Mistake.

We made plans to meet each other halfway, at Central Station. I met him and that old persistent need to control kicked into overdrive. I shuffled him all over chinatown. In the dull moments he tried to hug me or kiss me, but I evaded. I either turned my head at the last minute or blamed my revulsion to proximity on the summer heat. It was just too damn hot!

If I kept moving then maybe it would end. I just had to get through this day.

When we finally made it back to central station he asked if we could talk a bit. Sure, fine, whatever. I led us to a bench outside and we talked about the heart of the matter.  He sat there for two hours listening to me go over the pros and cons of starting a relationship. The sun sank behind a willowy tree as butterflies kissed its leaves. We ended with, “I don’t know maybe.”

He wasn’t surprised, but a mustard seed of hope he kept.

Netflix and Sleepover

We remained in contact but we barely talked due to how much time our significant others took up. We mainly told each other how happy we were.

Eventually both our worlds crumbled within a few weeks of each other. I thought I was done yanking his chain, but apparently I had one more ruse in me. I wanted to legitimately see him and I didn’t want him to take the bus home in the dark. So I asked if he could sleep over. We had two couches and how often would I have almost a full 24 hrs to hang out with one of my friends? This is why you choose your words carefully friends. I put the idea out there and I let him think what he wanted.

He came we acted like two human beings who have been friends for years. Which isn’t a lie, it has been eight years since first we met.

In a quiet moment he told me that I had left him in an ambiguous place since Central Station.

Oh, yeah? Sorry man.

“We’re friends” I said.  

“Thank you for clarifying” he said.  

I swung my legs across his lap and we watched Netflix.

It’s funny how you draw up an image of someone in your head and when you actually see them your like…nah.


Chapter 4: APU Dating Culture

Check out my contribution to this collaborative technical manual, “Surviving the Zu at APU.”

Surviving the ZU at APU

“Look who got engaged ladies!” A pang of jealousy runs through you as Becky waves her engagement ring under the noses of a throng of envious Cougs: God first. It’s a J color I. clarity ½ carat solitaire princess cut, but that’s none of your business. It makes her finger look fat.  How are you actually supposed to meet that God-fearing man or woman at APU when the girl to guy ratio is 3:1? Come a bit closer and I’ll tell you how. In chapter four we will be covering: 

  • Who to date
  • Finding a date  
  • How to ask them in 4 Easy Steps
  • Places to DTR
  • Dating through the years
  • Thirsty 101

Appearing Dateable

How does any animal attract a potential mate in the wild? With careful grooming and mating rituals. In the ZU there is no difference. Here are a few tips on attracting a soulmate:

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I Did A Duckie Dale Photo Shoot And it Was Amazing!

Song of the day: Day I Die- National

As you can tell by now, I am an admirer of Duckie “The Duckman” Dale from Pretty in Pink (1986) played by Jon Cryer.


Because he is a Dork who is hopelessly devoted to someone who has friend zoned him from the very beginning of their relationship. Yet he persists over and over again! Eventually he does the noble deed and lets the girl go so she can pursue her heart. For a moment there we think he will be alone, but there is hope for him yet. A gal gives him the eye. He looks directly into the camera then back at the girl as if he can’t believe it. Then he moves out of the frame headed directly for her.  The audience can’t help but say: “Yes Duckman! Yes, you earned it!”

John Hughes did a masterful job at bringing to life a character that represents  the hopeless romantic. The romantic that can never catch a break!

So I scavenged a thrift store and made myself a Duckie Dale outfit to pay tribute to such a great narrative. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!


Duckie: “May I admire you again today?”




Duckie: “This is a really volcanic ensemble you’re wearing, it’s really marvelous!”



Duckie: What now? 
Andie: Bed. 
Duckie: Yours or mine? Ours?




Duckie: “Yo man! Next time, I kick your ass! That’ll be that!”



Duckie: “This is an incredibly romantic moment, and you’re ruining it for me!”


Duckie: “It’s called a sense of humor – you should get one – they’re nice.”



7 Things I Will and Will NOT Miss About My First Job


Song of the Day: Ruby- Kaieserchiefs Ruby- Kaieserchiefs 

Two weeks ago I started my new job as a barista. While I was messing up orders and fumbling over the newness of the job, I couldn’t help but miss some things about my old job. SO I decided to write about the 7 things I will miss and will not miss about my first job:

The Free Food

  • Will Miss: Free food. Food is life. If you do decide to work in college it is a very good idea to work at a place that has food. I worked in a sit down dinning area, so the food was the fanciest on campus. Left overs were almost always a sure thing if you were doing a closing shift.
  • Will Not: The only thing that I will not miss is the knowledge of how every little thing is prepared.

The People

  • Will Miss: I love my munchkins. I have been responsible for many students, which has given me a rare opportunity to form meaningful relationships on the daily. Some of the coolest people work in the cafeteria and I would have never met them if I hadn’t spent hours upon hours cleaning, prepping, and serving alongside of them.
  • Will Not: The inevitable drama between staff and staff, students and staff, students and staff and directors. I will not miss this at all. It’s funny how adults are sometimes worse than students.


Having Flexible Hours

  • Will Miss: My manager was really understanding. He gave you as many or as little hours as you wished. He also gave student leads priority, which was amazing!
  • Not Miss: Him calling me in at the last-minute. Most of my problems between my Manager stemmed from lack of communication.
  • Side Story: I would like to give the spotlight to my old manager who is incredibly caring. He once bought me two bottles of NyQuil, and delivered it to my apartment when I was sick. The store I tried to buy it from had a twenty-one or over age restriction on NyQuil (due to its miniscule traces of alcohol).

Having Authority

  • Will Miss: This is the first leadership opportunity I have ever had. The very first shifts I orchestrated were Wednesday nights and Friday mornings. I was so impressed that people respected me for my knowledge and actually did what I said. For the first time my voice mattered. I was so impressed with their patience and goodwill that at the end of the semester I decided to thank all of my team by getting them presents for Christmas. I ended up spending an entire weekend wrapping and buying cute little gifts.They were so grateful and I was so happy that they were happy.WP_20161207_20_11_14_Pro
  • Will Not: I have gone home several times in emotional shambles. Leadership takes a toll on you. Whenever I fully immersed myself in this job I would always get emotionally wrecked.

The Closing Playlists

Venue Hacks and Hook ups

  • Will Miss:Since I know the staff there are definite perks that I am not at liberty to discuss. When you walk in and ask for some chocolate syrup for your ice cream you know exactly where they keep it and sometimes you can just get it yourself. I have seen so many customers put together different combinations of food that I automatically memorized the best ones.
  • Will Not: Nah…I’m just going to miss this one.

Kitchen/Cooking Skills

  • Will Miss: Learning new cooking skills that I can use at home. I’m a boss when it comes to chopping. Before this job I was hesitant to cook any sort of meat, because I didn’t know the proper temperatures. Now I cook very tender and moist cuts of poultry, pork, beef, and fish.
  • Will Not: I have injured myself so many times in the kitchen and in front of house that it was getting a bit ridiculous. I would like to avoid cutting myself with freshly sharpened knives just by grazing them slightly. I literally wasn’t even going for a knife and I somehow got nicked by a cleaver!!! When I showed my supervisor it looked bloodied and terrible, even though it was only a small nick. I have even cut a chunk out of my fingertip before! Safety first people. Safety first.


In hindsight I had a pretty sweet gig. But I am looking forward to taking the confidence the first job has given me and bringing it into all the jobs that are bound to follow. 


Bonjour Dorkly!: Valentine’s Day (Part 2)

Song of the day: Valentine-Pentatonix

My top love language is acts of service.

“For people who have ‘acts of service’ as their primary love language, helpful acts are seen as very powerful expressions of love and devotion. Actions like cooking a meal, setting a table, washing dishes, vacuuming, taking out the garbage, mowing the grass, etc. are all acts of service.”’ ( a helpful example and definition given to us by )

I have found this love language to be a rarity among the masses. Though it is rare, there are three dark sides to this language.

  • Not many people know how to receive it.
  1. It almost seems antiquated. Since those in my generation almost always prioritize physical touch or  spending quality time with a person over my–personal– slow brewing expression of love.
  • Being helpful requires observation.
  1. What was once curiousness over their specific quirks can easily turn into an obsession.
  • A plan to do something nice can escalate into a scheme. A scheme in which you convince them to like you.

Segue into Valentine’s Day…

The Valentine’s Day Plan

This sock-you-in-the-face Valentine’s day came up too quickly.

Valentine-grams, band serenades, large teddy bears, and boxes of chocolate were everywhere! I didn’t know that this holiday was kept alive by twenty to thirty year old adults and high school students.

Like the Dork that I am I wanted in on the festivities. My goal was simply to get Dorian’s number so we could at least text each other. So I formulated a plan to make Dorian feel good all day. I bought two Valentine-grams and sent them to his second period class. The night before I picked out a cute outfit which was  A pink crew neck sweater with a blue button down collar peeking out, tan tennis shoe heels and black slacks. My glasses completed the look. I had out Dorked myself for that 3.5-4 minute window of small talk we had between first and second period. [See Previous Post]

The last part of the plan was to hand him my number after AP US History. I had my number written on a piece of paper with a little “text me” on the bottom of the note. I was ready.

Until this random thought came into my head, “Why not kiss his cheek?” If he was at all doubtful about my intention this would clear things up.


My second love language-Physical Touch

Let’s pause the story and talk about hugs. I can’t be the only person who unconsciously (or consciously) smells someone when you hug them? Dorian had a clean earthy smell, like the earth does before it rained. I would like to point out that Dorian gave the best hugs I have ever had in my life and this claim has not been challenged to this day.

The timing of them was just long enough to make you feel cared for, but not too long, so that it didn’t felt awkward. He gave sizable squeezes, so that you felt safe. His go-to hug was a side hug. But every once in a while he gave bear hugs. When those happened my face ended up in his jacket and my olfactory senses short circuited from so much goodness. Back to the story….

A Peck  

AP US History class lets out and I wait for him in the hall, so I would be the first one to talk to him as soon as he exits the door. As he emerges I see him in a haloed by the light of the classroom behind him…but he isn’t alone. A friend of ours was using up the time I was going to use to talk to him.

My plan was starting to slip through the cracks. I knew that he would split off as soon as he reached the staircase that led up to his next class. I waited for the friend to split away and as soon as he did Dorian started to climb the stairs. Taking them two steps at a time.

“Hey Dorian, waite a sec!” I stopped him. My heart beat my chest in protest.

He turns around in slow motion and I make my descent just until I am level with his jacket pocket and his cheek.  I put my number in his jacket pocket. He looks down for a few precious seconds at my hand putting something in his pocket. As he is looking, I  use the opportunity to peck his cheek.


My next impulse was to bolt, so I swiveled on the steps and hurried off to my next class.

I was so high emotionally that nothing, not even homework could bring me down!

What Next?

Nothing really, he texted me as I requested, but we never mentioned the cheek kiss. He got a girlfriend later that year and that was that. We graduated from the same high school as friends. As of today we are still following each other on Facebook and Instagram. He is a very sweet person and I think he is doing very well. As far as I know he is dating a gorgeous model and living life to its fullest.

Bonjour Dorkly!: The Bus Ride (Part 1)

Song of the day: Worth It (Perfect)-Superfruit

Junior year is pivotal in one’s high school career. This is the time to take your SAT’s and to start thinking about future colleges. A lot is riding on your academic success and by now you have solidified your rank in the status quo, or at least you should have if you went to the same school for the past three years. I, however, transferred to a public high school my junior year. This change was major for a born and bred private Christian school girl who felt wrong in anything other than a freshly pressed uniform. What shocked me the most about the change was the public display of affection granted among students. I literally had to step over a horizontal couple making out in the middle of a hallway on my way to class. I remember eating lunch with a group of girls and one of them casually slipped into a conversation about how she had lost her virginity to a friend. It didn’t take me long to figure out that not everyone agreed with the Christian (Proverbs 31) virtues of modesty and chastity.

This new  Land of Suck Face, held opportunities that I had never ever had access to before. I could date, flirt, and show affection without having to wear an emblazoned scarlet “A” on my chest. It felt good to have a choice.

So of course my next course of action was to find a boy to publicly dote over. And there was one boy in particular who caught my fancy.

Dorian LTG.

Out of all of my classes AP US History had the largest majority of males. On the first day I clearly remember scanning the entire class for any attractive boys. I found Dorian in a throng of female adoration. He arrived to class tardy and the teacher already hated him. I, however, decided that I wanted to know him. I wanted him as my friend desperately.giphy-downsized (13) Why you ask? Well, he represented everything that I wasn’t. He had a sexy confidence that none of the boys at my Christian school had. What he lacked in devastatingly handsome looks, he made up for with a flirty demeanor and a mild french accent. He gave hugs, compliments, and his number out so freely it was endearingly frustrating. What made Dorian attractive was that he made you feel special after you talked with him.  Whoever taught him this devilry needs to share it with the rest of the world or face the guillotine for their crimes against humanity. His nonchalance was mesmerizing and I wanted to be near him.

Luckily, I used my bad eyesight to rearrange my seating, so that I could sit directly  behind Dorian. The class shattered my mind from sheer boredom, but i managed to pass the time by sketching him in the margins of my notebook. For now I was content with silently doting over his back, but I hoped that one day, he would notice me in his peripheral vision.

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3.5-4 Minute Window

My mission began when I discovered him walking out of his engineering class while I was on my way to my second period Graphic Design class. We just happened to walk the same way, it was providence! If I could approach him I would have at least 3.5-4  precious minutes to try to talk to him. As for what I would say, all I had to do was mention AP US History and the rest of the conversation would come naturally. All I needed was my foot in the door. I took a leap of faith the next day and my plan unfolded beautifully. It was a great segue for larger conversations in history class. Pretty soon he expected me to be close by. All I had to do was walk close by and he would say, “Hi Dorkly…” An unprecedented success in the Dorkly Annals. 

Field Trip

In one particular conversation the topic was about an upcoming field trip for an Engineering class we both had at different periods. It was a field trip to UCLA.

“Are you going?” he casually asked.

I had no intention of doing such a thing. The last thing I wanted was for my mom to be there as is the duty of an overprotective parent.

“Yes! I’m looking forward to it!”


“Good, I’ll see you there.” he departed for his class and I was left calculating all the possible ways this scheme may end up embarrassing me into an oblivion… I needed to haggle my way onto the roster and I needed to convince my mom not to come.

After ages of persuasion  I was rewarded with a half win. I didn’t convince my mom not to come, but I did get on the roster. If I played my cards right this would be a perfect opportunity to  burst out of my 3.5-4 minute window of small talk with Dorian and really get to know him.


The entire field trip was miserable. I don’t like anything math related but regardless, I was still eligible for the field trip because I was in the school’s S.T.E.M.M. (Science, Technology, Engineering, Mathematics, and Medicine) Magnet.  As a prospective English major you can imagine the agony I was in during the lectures. But hope wasn’t lost! I had the bright  idea to bring my kindle with me if I got bored so I could play  fruit ninja. During the last lecture I past Dorian a note asking him if he wanted to play a game for the bus ride back. He wrote on the note and sent “sure” back. We passed notes for the rest of the lecture.

giphy-downsized (18)It was finally time to go home and we found each other before we got on the bus. One of his friends tried to sit down next to him and Dorian told him that he was going to sit next to me. We were smooshed into our seats so closely that our thighs bumped into each other with every abrupt stop. (I apologized each time they touched out of nervousness.)  Our conversation was excellent as I destroyed him in the game. I mostly listened about his plans for the future and asked questions about him. When the driver informed us that we were going to experience about half an hour worth of Los Angeles traffic I wasn’t bothered in the least. The longer it took to get back to the school the better.

Back to School

When we got back to school I mentioned that I needed help with my Engineering project and I would appreciate his help when he had time. To my surprise, our time wasn’t over after we got off the bus. He decided to help me right then and there because attending the middle of a trig lecture was just going to ruin a perfectly good field trip buzz. So he crashed my class and hung out with me for a large part of the period. In the Dorkly Annals I labeled this day as“Perfect.” 

Thus far my bold actions had paid off and I was willing to scheme a bit further to get what I wanted…

[COMING SOON- Bonjour Dorkly!: Valentine’s Day (Part 2) ]

Versace on the…Oh!

Song of the Day: Bruno Mars vs David Guetta-Versace on the Floor 

Bruno Mars exits the elevator and spots a glittering goddess…Zendaya. She gives him a smoldering up and down glance. She enters into her room without a word. He proceeds into a separate dimly lit room where a starry backdrop reflects off the top of a clear piano. He hits the first few chords and his voice convinces you that you never needed anyone or anything else–“Let’s take our time tonight, girl/
Above us all the stars are watchin’/ There’s no place I’d rather be in this world…”

Zendaya hears his voice through the thin walls like a siren call. She dances in a sparkly dress and mirrors Bruno’s lips as he sings the lyrics, “Versace on the floor…” As the song winds down, Bruno’s seduction is complete. Her versace dress falls to the floor and she tiptoes off to her lover.bruno-mars-versace-on-the-floor-video-premiere

A New Wave of Sexy Turns Twenty

To me Zendaya plays the no-makeup-high school outcast in Spiderman Homecoming. Or maybe a little squirt on the Disney channel, but it’s hard for me to accept her as a sex symbol. As a twenty year old girl she is literally a freshly minted adult.

Which makes me wonder, since when did my age group become sexually desired?

Putting 1996 into Perspective

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I was born May 16, 1996 and following my birth was the birth of the uprising stars Zendaya, Sophie Turner, Tom Holland, and Hailee Steinfield. Today they are sexy new actors and musicians. As a #Hollander you dote over the adorkable charms of the new Spiderman. You have seen Sophie Turner play Sansa Stark on a show known for its debauchery and dragons. Or you may have even heard  Hailee singing about how “Starving” she is as she dances around half naked men in her video. Well to put their age into perspective, you should know that all of these actors and actresses are the equivalent of college Juniors and Seniors.

As a Dork my main desire is to have enough money to pay for spotify and my gym membership every month. I like to paint my toes turquoise, because it makes me feel like there is a lovely surprise whenever I take off my shoes. I watch Avatar the Last Air bender and Friends whenever school stresses me out.

I do not have a ravenous sexual appetite and I do no not party (a personal choice). There is no way I would be able to wear Versace or rent a room next to Bruno Mars, because twenty-one is hardly glamorous. It’s just young.

The Funny thing

The funny thing is that the more I watch Versace on the floor the more normalized it becomes. Of course Zendaya was meant to be the mysterious girl across the hall. Of course their chemistry is off the charts. Of course a thirty-one year old would hook up with a twenty year old if he had the chance…no question! PicsArt_08_15_2017 12_28_54

I love this song, but when I listen, a part of  me forgets that something about the video is a little unsettling.

I accept the fact that my age is youthful and romantic. That everyone wants to return to the sexual peak of their twenties.


it’s important to keep in mind that the young men and woman you are lusting after ARE still kids. Regardless of how attractive they become or how grown up they portray themselves, they are still kids. I am still a kid.

Why I Love Cry Baby

Song of the day: Pacify Her, Mr. Brightside (Mashup)-The Killers & Melanie Martinez

Melanie Martinez is eccentric and a bit off her rocker, but according to her, usually “the best people are.” One might ask why an artist would willingly dress up like a child? And the answer can only be found in her haunting lyrics. To Martinez, all adults secretly act like children. It’s when we are our pettiest and most vulnerable that we show are childlike qualities. In her debut album, Cry Baby, she writes about many issues she has personally struggled with. Issues such as cracking under the image of perfection, admitting to verbal mistakes, and taking part in the risky business of trusting someone with your heart.

My favorite songs off the album are Pacify Her, Soap, Training Wheels, Pity Party, and Dollhouse.giphy-downsized (11)

Pacify Her:

To Melanie, love is a petty game between two girls fighting over the best toy. Cry Baby, Melanie’s Alter Ego, argument is that the boytoy “wants” to play with her, even though it or he is in the possession of the other girl. In this scenario the guy is tired of his girlfriend and he wants to break up with her to be with Cry Baby. Cry Baby’s message to the boy is “Pacify her/She’s getting on my nerves/You don’t love her/Stop lying with those words.” And yet he still stays with her.


If your parent used soap as a punishment for saying curse words then you weren’t alone. I’m sure that a bath tub was a necessity in your house to help wash off a long day of play. It is also a useful place to commit suicide without making too much of a mess. Cry Baby said “I love you” too soon and she is so distraught over her words that she wants to commit suicide in the tub by throwing a toaster in it. A tragic way to die.

Training Wheelsgiphy-downsized (12)

All adults put on training wheels when a relationship first starts. It’s difficult to trust your partner, but once you can ride with confidence, it’s time to take the training wheels off. One must allow themselves to be vulnerable to love as well as heartbreak. This song is one of the happier ones and it’s a nice break from the seemingly light heavy topics Melanie is fond of.

Pity Party

Pity Party is about an adult tantrum. Cry Baby has put in the effort and the time to try and please other people, but she can’t make people like her. So she feels out of control. It’s easier just to throw a party for herself where she is the guest of honor and then afterwards burn all of her efforts to the ground. In the song she repeats the lyric, “I’m laughing, I’m crying It feels like I’m dying/I’m laughing, I’m crying/ It feels like I’m dying.” That lyric was made for the emotionally confused!On a day where you just can’t win this is the song you should listen to.DollhouseMV10

 Doll House

Cry Baby’s doll house and doll family is picture perfect, from the outside. But inside the doll house lies a dysfunctional family. The mom is a drunk, the father is a cheater, and the brother is high all the time. Don’t believe everything you see.

I hope you come to enjoy Melanie Martinez as much as I have. She has been my go to musician for my lingering post adolescent angst. I am not the judge of musical composition, but I know golden lyrics when I hear it.

Dorkly Writes Love Notes to Parker Vincent

Song of the day: Crush-David Archuleta

You are reading the first post of the Dorkly series. Congratulations, you are about to read about my “socially inept” self, attempting to interact with the male species. Rest assured, that there are many more posts to come. Now let’s talk about Parker Vincent.

Moments Unaffected by Time

I have not seen a more perfect person on the face of this earth.  His perfection can only be described in three separate moments in time that will be stamped on my tabula rasa forever!

  1. Horse Play– My church was having its annual fall fest. A time to attract non believers and believers alike. There were games, food, bounce houses, a rock climbing wall, and a pumpkin patch. In my memory, the fall leaves cast a golden hue on the entire day. Parker had volunteered to help with the pony rides. In a fateful encounter he lifted me onto a horse of my choosing. Where his hands met my waist my skin exploded with cosmic energy. My mind was reeling, but meanwhile, In real life someone had to help him get me onto the hoarse. His hands were there for two seconds and there was this awkward tension that I ignored, because the universe was trying to tell me something.
  2. Lifting a Toddler– I don’t know whose child this was, but one Sunday afternoon I saw an excited little girl run up to him. His face lit up brighter than a 100 watt light bulb. He grabbed her, tossed her up in the air, and caught her all in one smooth motion. The child let out a squeal and giggled in his arms. Every female can appreciate a guy who is good with kids, it’s wired into our DNA. It might as well be kryptonite.
  3. Playing Charades– The last bright spot he has in my memory is an image of him playing charades. I think he was acting out, “the first day of school.” Without saying a word he could make anyone laugh. He was the guy everyone wanted to know. He was athletic, trendy, and tan 365 days a year.

About to Burst

I have never spoken to him in my life. Isn’t it crazy that you can develop such intense feelings for someone you don’t really know?

So here’s where the dork move came in. I decided to write him a note, because my ABSOLUTE infatuation with him couldn’t be hidden any longer. I adored him and I spent hours  thinking of him. I believed I could have my own real life Cory and Topanga romance. I couldn’t wait to have my forever partner.giphy-downsized (5)

Oh Dorkly, so young, so naive.

I put the note in a pink envelope with his name on it. I scented it with my very own purple gummy fruit perfume. I believe the note said something like, “I liked you and I promise to write to you again soon.” Full proof.


The act of delivering the note was terrifying. It was Easter Sunday and I was clothed in some dress I didn’t like with some shoes that probably didn’t match. I walked up to him and one of his friends. They stopped talking as I approached. He raised one eyebrow, as if to question whether or not he had seen me before.  I quickly handed him the envelope and said “this is for you.” Before he could respond, I sped off to find a  private corner that would allow me to catch my breath. It was only my spirit reentering my body. I had to give it a minute.



What Happens Next?

After that, there was nothing. I didn’t know how to proceed. Did love notes solidify a boyfriend? Does he think that he might want to love me to? It all sounds strangely reminiscent of one of my favorite scenes in Little Manhattan (2005) staring Josh Hutcherson. Gabe (Josh Hutcherson) crashes Rosemary Telescos aunt’s wedding reception to confess his love before she left him for camp.

Gabe: Rosemary, I love you.

Rosemary: You what?

Gabe: I do. I’m sorry, but I love you more than anyone’s ever loved. I love you, I love you, I love you.

Gabe: [thinking] How’s that for letting it all hang out there? And hang, and hang, and hang.

Gabe: You think you might wanna love me, too?

Rosemary: I don’t know what I think, Gabe, I’m only 11. I don’t think I’m ready to be in love.

Gabe: I’m not ready and I’m doing it!

Rosemary: Maybe I was wrong, maybe girls don’t mature faster.

Gabe: No they do, they do, you know they do. You even said so at the park. We at least mature at the same rate.

Rosemary: I don’t know what mature is anymore, but I’m really happy you came. Do you want to dance, Gabe?

Gabe: Sure, what the hell.

As you can imagine, Parker was unresponsive towards my efforts. It took me a long while to give up on him, but when I did you can believe I was completely heart broken over the relationship I didn’t have. I’m talking weeks of crying, moping, and regretting. My parents must have thought I was acting crazily, but you would too if you came to realize that love at first sight was a sham.

Oh Dorkly, so young, so naive.



Why I Will NEVER Listen to My Mom When it Concerns Weight

Song of the day: Freckles-Natasha Bedingfield 

My First Nutritionist

From the beginning my mom has been my nutritionist. She gave me a “nana” and dried cheerios when I was a baby. She also packed my lunches with thick sandwiches and…I guess more fruit for elementary school. As I later realized, there are healthy fistful portions and then their are a Mom’s hearty portions. Don’t get me wrong, I love a hearty portion, but maybe that didn’t send good messages when it was time for me to learn about health and nutrition.

Too Thin, Too Fat

My weight always fluctuates. Diet and exercise isn’t a hard concept to grasp, but it’s a hard thing to put into practice. Before anyone lectures me about the right and wrong way to go about it, I want you to know that i am healthy at my weight. I am not overweight or under weight (though I have been both before.) When I was heavier my mom started to make comments about losing weight. She monitored my calorie intake and threatened me with the thought of being fat. When I was too thin those comments diminished and were replaced with compliments far and few between. This seems like a normal thing for a mom to do, but it really messed with my head. I didn’t know how I was supposed to feel about myself until one day I. HAD. HAD. ENOUGH!

Not Listening 

My mother has a habit of using weight as an insult. Let’s give you a scenario. Let’s say I decide not to do something she wants me to do. I stay calm and try to reason with her. In that moment she doesn’t feel like a parent, she is losing control over me and I seem eerily similar to an adult. As a reaction she pulls out a comment meant to hurt me, ” well maybe if you lost weight…”

That’s it!

You have witnessed the exact moment my heart cracked. My mother’s opinion meant the world to me, so why would she say that? The answer is that my mother is human. I am guilty of hurting the people I love, out of sheer frustration as well. This frustration stems over not being able (or not knowing how to) protect and care for the ones you love. But I also needed to protect myself against her words. The solution was to not listen. I could no longer take her opinion into consideration when the subject of weight came up. As a result, it felt as if the last ounce of nutritional responsibility shifted into my hands.


To the incoming Freshman. When it’s time for you to go to college, Freshman year will wreck your weight. Mainly because most Universities living on campus require you to buy a huge meal plan. (That most people don’t fully use) You will come to realize that all of the options aren’t the healthiest and all you can do is just consume what other have made for you. Freshman 15 is real. Pizza is the diet of midterms and finals!

Nevertheless, there is hope. Eventually (more than likely in your Sophomore year) you will have to be an adult. This includes, but is not limited to, making your own money so you can, shop for your own groceries, and make your own meals. Once you are in control of what you buy and what you cook, nutrition becomes 100% easier.

This summer, my mom made one last comment that I completely absorbed for all of its healing power. She told me that she was proud of me…regardless of how she felt about losing her daughter to a new  found independence.

I hope you have happy eating 🙂