Song of the day: Crush-David Archuleta
You are reading the first post of the Dorkly series. Congratulations, you are about to read about my “socially inept” self, attempting to interact with the male species. Rest assured, that there are many more posts to come. Now let’s talk about Parker Vincent.
Moments Unaffected by Time
I have not seen a more perfect person on the face of this earth. His perfection can only be described in three separate moments in time that will be stamped on my tabula rasa forever!
- Horse Play– My church was having its annual fall fest. A time to attract non believers and believers alike. There were games, food, bounce houses, a rock climbing wall, and a pumpkin patch. In my memory, the fall leaves cast a golden hue on the entire day. Parker had volunteered to help with the pony rides. In a fateful encounter he lifted me onto a horse of my choosing. Where his hands met my waist my skin exploded with cosmic energy. My mind was reeling, but meanwhile, In real life someone had to help him get me onto the hoarse. His hands were there for two seconds and there was this awkward tension that I ignored, because the universe was trying to tell me something.
- Lifting a Toddler– I don’t know whose child this was, but one Sunday afternoon I saw an excited little girl run up to him. His face lit up brighter than a 100 watt light bulb. He grabbed her, tossed her up in the air, and caught her all in one smooth motion. The child let out a squeal and giggled in his arms. Every female can appreciate a guy who is good with kids, it’s wired into our DNA. It might as well be kryptonite.
- Playing Charades– The last bright spot he has in my memory is an image of him playing charades. I think he was acting out, “the first day of school.” Without saying a word he could make anyone laugh. He was the guy everyone wanted to know. He was athletic, trendy, and tan 365 days a year.
About to Burst
I have never spoken to him in my life. Isn’t it crazy that you can develop such intense feelings for someone you don’t really know?
So here’s where the dork move came in. I decided to write him a note, because my ABSOLUTE infatuation with him couldn’t be hidden any longer. I adored him and I spent hours thinking of him. I believed I could have my own real life Cory and Topanga romance. I couldn’t wait to have my forever partner.
Oh Dorkly, so young, so naive.
I put the note in a pink envelope with his name on it. I scented it with my very own purple gummy fruit perfume. I believe the note said something like, “I liked you and I promise to write to you again soon.” Full proof.
The act of delivering the note was terrifying. It was Easter Sunday and I was clothed in some dress I didn’t like with some shoes that probably didn’t match. I walked up to him and one of his friends. They stopped talking as I approached. He raised one eyebrow, as if to question whether or not he had seen me before. I quickly handed him the envelope and said “this is for you.” Before he could respond, I sped off to find a private corner that would allow me to catch my breath. It was only my spirit reentering my body. I had to give it a minute.
What Happens Next?
After that, there was nothing. I didn’t know how to proceed. Did love notes solidify a boyfriend? Does he think that he might want to love me to? It all sounds strangely reminiscent of one of my favorite scenes in Little Manhattan (2005) staring Josh Hutcherson. Gabe (Josh Hutcherson) crashes Rosemary Telescos aunt’s wedding reception to confess his love before she left him for camp.
Gabe: Rosemary, I love you.
Rosemary: You what?
Gabe: I do. I’m sorry, but I love you more than anyone’s ever loved. I love you, I love you, I love you.
Gabe: [thinking] How’s that for letting it all hang out there? And hang, and hang, and hang.
Gabe: You think you might wanna love me, too?
Rosemary: I don’t know what I think, Gabe, I’m only 11. I don’t think I’m ready to be in love.
Gabe: I’m not ready and I’m doing it!
Rosemary: Maybe I was wrong, maybe girls don’t mature faster.
Gabe: No they do, they do, you know they do. You even said so at the park. We at least mature at the same rate.
Rosemary: I don’t know what mature is anymore, but I’m really happy you came. Do you want to dance, Gabe?
Gabe: Sure, what the hell.
As you can imagine, Parker was unresponsive towards my efforts. It took me a long while to give up on him, but when I did you can believe I was completely heart broken over the relationship I didn’t have. I’m talking weeks of crying, moping, and regretting. My parents must have thought I was acting crazily, but you would too if you came to realize that love at first sight was a sham.
Oh Dorkly, so young, so naive.